She said that
she was confused. She said that she
didn't know if she was comfortable dancing just for me. We were close yes, she said, but we were not
yet that close that it goes away. I smiled
as if I understood. I told her that I asked
her because I knew how good a dancer she was and I wanted to see it, and I didn’t
want to make her feel shy.
I didn’t tell
her that I wanted her to dance for me because she was mine and her dance was
mine and I wanted her to work to impress me even if for 10 minutes. I am her man and I deserve that. I told her that I loved her dance. She smiled at me. She said that she would dance for me.
Outside
the sun beat a heavy heat down on us. The
coffee shop was nice and the coffee was good and so were the waiters and the people. There were pretty girls and she caught me
looking at them, she smiled, I avoided her eyes. I caught her looking at a guy and again she
smiled at me, I gritted my teeth at her.
Her father would come back by 4, it was already 2:30, it would take half
an hour for her to get back home. We had
an hour.
Anjali knew
that she was going to become a doctor, I didn’t know what I was going to
do. I imagined her marrying a doctor, I imagined
her in an Audi, wearing a costly saree and with kids. The doctor husband gave her the kids. And I would be a memory to her by then. I loved this girl now.
Her hair
fell down her face and she licked her lips getting the drops of the juice that
she was drinking. I had told her that I loved
her a week ago. She had said that she
felt the same. That’s what she said,
that she felt the same, not that she loves me.
We hadn’t talked about it since then.
She was pretty and I loved her.
I would never
sexualize her until it was night. At night
she would be naked and her skinny frame would support a bigger bosom and wider
hips and slightly overflowing tummy that was soft to touch. She would get in bed like a virgin and she would
do things that I asked of her, and after I had asked of them, days later, she would
do them on her own, but only after I had
asked it of her once.
When the
waiter came around to ask if we needed anything else, I told him we didn’t. She looked at me, I looked back and
smiled. No, I conveyed, it's no big
deal, you can leave, I have other things to do.
I wanted to take her home, to my bed and just hold her.
Outside we
waited for the bus, talking about school and teachers. She looked away and talked and pulled the
hair back from her face, so that I could look at it and not be embarrassed and
not have to avoid her eyes. When there was
a pause in the conversation she looked at me.
I wanted to tell her that I loved her, the words hovering in that space
in my throat. She waited. I couldn’t. She said that she was getting
late, she was going to get an auto. I agreed
stoically. I helped flag one down. When she got in she waved a hand goodbye and
said that she would see me tomorrow. She
did not smile.
I walked
back with my hands in my pockets. The
pretty girls from the café were coming out.
I watched them giggle.
