The question is always: Why not become aware as a person? Am I too sad to actually function?
I am out there trying to find something that would give me an idea of what I am to become and then suddenly…… I stand broken. I stand broken for the very reason that I am out there: the fact that I have to look for what I am to become and that I don’t already know naturally. It saddens me. Why? Oh I’ll tell you.
I not a communist, nor am I an advocate of conspiracy theories (except of course those which are really interesting), but I believe that it is the world out there with the news and the movies and the books on the lives of others and the stories of men and women triumphing over the greatest of odds that lead us here. We are made to believe (and we do believe with such conviction) that one day we will also be great men who will stand on raised platforms and be revered.
It becomes a desire. The simple, comforting need of all men to lead a sufficient life without pain and hunger and with the love of those we love and the long lives of those we give birth too is replaced by a deep, painful, crippling desire to be great. A desire that makes a home for itself in deep places inside our chests and shrieks in the moments when we find ourselves the weakest.
It is a sad sad thing that dreams are held in such high esteem. Dreams are the cause of all that is bad. It takes our focus of off all that is good in our lives and makes us stare sadly at images of all that we don’t have.
Pain is welcomed and invited. After all, we are fighting to achieve our dreams aren’t we?
I don’t tell you to leave “all that you have” and walk away. But once in a while, even if it is only in passing or even a fleeting thing when you turn your head, just look at “all that you have” and twist your lips into what might be called a smile.
Allan Jacob.
